In Arizona: Food Network’s Pioneer Woman Show Smells Like…???

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Food Network’s Pioneer Woman Show Smells Like…???

Straight from the Horse's Heart

article by Jillian Madison reprinted from Food Network Humor

“I can see my wild horses from my kitchen window”

“We attempt to give you something on Sundays to recharge your batteries and have been remiss over the past few weeks as there just has not been that much in the way of great news to relate and we sincerely do not want to blur the focus we are attempting to keep before our readership regarding our efforts to stop the inhumanity of the BLM’s handling of our wild horses. But today we have a little comedy piece that ties in nicely with the great article published earlier this week by investigative reporter Debra Coffey. If you have yet to read it, please click (HERE) to do so.
The entry below continues the saga of Ree Drummond, self-proclaimed Pioneer Woman and rolling in dough contractor for the BLM as she and her husband own one of the wild horse death camps where gender separated herds, cruely stripped from their rightful lands, simply live out their lives waiting to be either sold off to slaughter (covertly of course) or to simply die without family or social structure. Sick, twisted and totally off the wall, this practice is being highlighted as something good and “cool”. So today, grab a giggle and make a few notes as we have a busy week ahead of us and the horses are going to need the help of each and every one of you, big time. Thanks Deb and Jillian! Oh, this article is for big kids only.” ~ R.T.

I specifically went in to the premiere episode of Pioneer Woman knowing nothing about Ree Drummond or her family or her sprawling ranch. I didn’t want to be influenced by the alleged throngs of blog-readers who have her placed atop some high pedestal. I wanted to form my own unbiased opinion of her and the show, which I most certainly did. And my opinion is this: WOW. IT SUCKED.
I mean it really, really sucked.
I will say from the 22-minutes of footage I saw, Ree seems like a lovely woman. She really does. However, I think it was Yoda who said: a lovely woman does not a good show make.

SUCK POINT #1: THE INHERENT PHONINESS

The lodge. The ranch. The shots of people wrangling animals. The “our life is so hard because we’re the only people on the universe who have to get up at 5 AM” mentality. The “let me serve my man breakfast while he’s herding cows” bullshit. The useless footage of a cute little boy running to get his little cowboy hat. The whole thing tried way too hard. It was way too overproduced and schticky. It was all so nauseatingly phony and sickeningly sweet that it quickly became annoying and intolerable to watch.
Also, on what planet is it appropriate – or even encouraged – to wear your cowboy hat to dinner? I guess only on Food Network, where they’re really trying to drive the point home that they LIVE ON A RANCH.

SUCK POINT #2: THE FOOD & THE TIPS

As mentioned above, Ree made a “special” dinner for her husband because the poor guy had to get up at 5 AM to go to work. As someone who watched her dad get up at 4 am every day for 20 years to then drive 20 minutes to a train station to then take a 2 hour train to NYC, color me unimpressed with her cowboy’s 5am-2pm workday.
Anyway, Ree made a very “special” dinner consisting of country fried steak and mashed potatoes. And by “special” I mean “enough fat and grease to kill a grown man standing.” Oh yeah. Move over, Paula Deen.
Every time Ree said “ball-SAM-ic” vinegar, a little piece of me died. The lecture about only using whole milk to make gravy was painful. The quip about kings and presidents not being able to find her ranch was intolerable. But the worst part came when she awkwardly paused her gravy-making and said: “Shhh, do you hear that?” Yes, I do. It’s the sound of your metal whisk rubbing against your metal cast-iron pan AND IT IS MADDENING.

SUCK POINT #3: THE DOUCHEBAG HUSBAND

Food Network’s website describes Ree’s husband as a “hunky rancher.” I describe him as “a total d-bag.” Maybe it was the editing… maybe it was nerves… but he came off as a pretentious, smug, selfish, disparaging prick. When he came into the kitchen to the chorus of kids screaming “daddy! daddy!” he didn’t acknowledge them. Or Ree. He simply said, “Is that our food?”
And (and!) he wore those disgusting, filthy, manure-laden cowboy boots in the house without a care. No worries. I suppose one of the 92 maids will clean it up.

I don’t plan on tuning in to this show again. I hate phoniness, and unfortunately, the Pioneer Woman reeks of it.

The worst part? It was all so completely unrelatable. I didn’t watch her cook and say: “wow, I need to make this for my family.” I watched her and said, “wow, this woman and I have absolutely nothing in common, and if I served my friends/family any of those dishes they would disown me. ”

It wasn’t ALL a waste, though. I did take one interesting little fact away: